**Personal story ahead!** Judgement can be damaging. But: it isn’t the enemy, as so many spiritual gurus would have us think. The key is to use it wisely, with compassion, and at the right moment in time.
Ponderings on (non-)judgement:
When have you ever been able to feel safe enough to rest and heal, while feeling pressured or judged?
But also: without judgement, how will you ever know if you’re in the right place, and take action?
Years ago, I was harshly scrutinized for playing the piano ‘wrongly’. After being in that space, I noticed it was impossible to relax, to grow, or to connect with the music. My fingers would just turn into a knot when I played for an audience.
Then one day, someone who didn’t criticize or pressure invited me to ‘don’t mind the knots—just play’. They simply witnessed me, without expectation or judgement. That space of compassion and freedom allowed me to breathe. And in that moment, something inside began to heal.
I guess that’s why in 'spiritual' circles they preach to ‘never judge'. Which makes sense: Judgement decreases confidence –both within ourselves and by others in relationships– while compassion provides the safety needed for healing.
However: does that really mean we should never judge at all? Well, no - I’d argue that would be equally unwise!!
For how would we know if we are in the right place? How would we know if a situation actually is what we both
would like to experience? I’d argue that in relationships, being able to judge and express whether we feel belonging or not is just as essential!
Yes, non-judgement is one of the most healing things there are. AND: in allowing each other judgement, we allow each other the space to grow and choose freely, and to walk our own paths towards where we uniquely belong.
Which is also healing. ♥️